There was a time I copied a quote and put it by my meditation spot. Every time I sat down to meditate, I’d stop and look at the quote and reflect on what it meant. It was this:
“When someone is seeking…it happens quite easily that he only sees the thing that he is seeking; that he is unable to find anything, unable to absorb anything…because he is obsessed with his goal. Seeking means: to have a goal; but finding means: to be free, to be receptive, to have no goal.”
For me it describes a state a fluidity. A state without expectation, which means to me, a state where I am placing no DEMANDS on the Universe about what I should be experiencing. When I think about “expectation” that’s what I feel it is. You have set a destination and now you are telling the Universe to take you there. When it doesn’t, like a kid who wants to go to Disneyland but can’t, we throw a fit.
This gets into the problem of what you are experiencing is not the specific progress you are looking for. That’s a serious problem because it means you will only be satisfied by material that meets your expectations, which means it is taking you where YOU want to go, not the Universe.
I accidentally found a way that, for me, allowed me to progress while removing expectations. I call this..
There was a time that I decided I would finally step up to the plate and commit to Eric’s material. I was REALLY going to do it. It suddenly struck me one day that he’d been saying all these things to do in order to have success and I never took him literally. Like he said meditate twice a day. I didn’t think he really meant meditate twice a day! I just took it as a rough guideline to meditate say, once a day, or once every 3 days but then catch up with really long meditations on free nights.
Now, could be you meditate reguarly. Fine, this still applies.
The point is one day I decided I was really going to buckle down and do it. Guess what? As soon as I decided to do that everything got about 10,000 times harder. Right away, even doing something as simple as sitting down twice a day, 20 minutes, I was fighting myself. Every reason I could come up with in the world to NOT do it I was on it. When I did finally “find” the time to meditate they were completely frustrating. They were horrible meditations. Nothing good about them.
Then I thought, if my meditations are going to suck, and I’m fighting myself to do them… maybe it means I really shouldn’t be doing them at all!
This despite the fact I’d heard all about the DOE, and how the DOE energy pushes you down to its vibration and how it’s like a machine designed to keep you asleep… and on and on until I could recite it in my sleep. The thought that the DOE was real, and that I was experiencing a real life example of it was totally beyond me.
What really made my meditations more frustrating is that they weren’t “good”. I wasn’t experiencing what the others were. I wasn’t hitting those “highs” I’d heard some of them talking about. I was judging them.
One day, I’m sitting down, arguing with myself about meditating and I finally stopped and asked myself, “What do I want?” I sat and thought about it for awhile. Then it occurred to me. Forget WHAT I want… WHY do I want it?? I was stumped. I had no answer. Why was I sitting down to meditate? Why? Why? I sat there for a few minutes and I said, “Well, I meditate for energy. To get prana.”
The crisis was averted so I started to meditate. Then I got frustrated so I stopped. “Why do I want energy? Why bother getting prana?” I thought for a second. Well, energy increases my vibration, the tonal of my energy body. It gives me fuel so I can do things. Satisfied, I kept meditating.
Then I stopped. “Do what?!” I yelled to myself.
Well, anything psychic or spiritual takes energy. If I don’t eat, I don’t grow.
This process went on for some time. What I mean for “some time” is months. I would think of a reason for why I was doing all of this and then I would try and live with it for awhile. I’d test it out. Pretty soon, every reason came up hollow. It wasn’t enough to keep me going. It was all meaningless for me. Energy, psychic abilities, dimensional worlds, dream travel, healing… I had no interest in any of it.
This was a process where I dissected, in a sense, my purpose. My inspiration. My will. I found I quickly moved away from “things I wanted” to “why I wanted.”
That means I didn’t want psychic abilities, but I found myself asking “why” I wanted them. Finally, I decided I was doing all of this for “enlightenment”. As yes, the end of the rainbow. But there was a problem. I didn’t know what enlightenment was. How could I find inspiration in the pursuit of something I had no clue about?
That was my last “want”. After that I realized there was nothing I “wanted” but I needed to know why I “wanted”.
So, off I went in search of that. Finally, I came to it. My “reason”.
My “reason” was the reason I did it all. The reason I meditated. The reason I practiced scanning, portals, auras, telepathy. The reason I reflected on the knowledge. The reason I did it all.
When I had a “bad” meditation, I didn’t care. I knew why I was doing it. When I had a “good” meditation, I didn’t care. Good, bad or indifferent I no longer “wanted” things from meditation. I knew “why” I was meditating. This might sound really simple but let me stress I went through a really long process of self-reflection to find this. It gave me inspiration. It gave me drive.
What it also did for me that I didn’t see then but realize now, is it gave me a space to work within without expectation. I no longer expected things from the Universe. I no longer expected things from meditation, or anything I did. I had my WHY and, knowing that, I had no reason to seek WANTS.
For me, that’s when everything changed. That’s when I really took off.
When Baard first came to Higher Balance he’d been in Star Reach… a year and a half I think. He complained about stuff all the time. He can’t feel this, or do that, or see auras. He even told me he thought he was “the exception” (like there was only one) that this stuff wouldn’t work for. The funny thing is he’d been telling me all these stories about things he’d experienced in Thailand before he got here. He even slipped into a state where time almost stood still. Oh, but this stuff doesn’t work and he wasn’t experiencing anything.
His problem was expectation. He was expecting something specific and that’s how he was defining his success. He couldn’t see all these things happening, that he was even telling me about. What’s more, his expectations really were limiting him. He WANTED something. As long as he wasn’t getting his WANT he was getting nowhere.
So, we had a long talk about his reason. Forget what he wanted, why did he want it? I told him all about my experience. Shortly before he arrived I even read about a coach for Olympic athletes. The coach was talking about how inbetween training athletes, he asks them why they are competing. Why are they doing it? He says they all come up with shallow answers to start. He continues to drive them, WHY, WHY, WHY? Finally he said they come back with an answer and he knows that’s it. Once they find that answer their performance increases 10 fold. It becomes their inspiration and everything falls into step.
When I read that I was kind of shocked. It was perfect. I don’t know why it worked for them but I could see I went through the same process. I dug for something deep inside my core.
Your reason can also change. What you find “true” to you today, may not be true tomorrow. What I do know is shortly after, whether a result of that conversation or time spent around the staff or it was just his time, Baard starting complaining less and experiencing more. Maybe he became more open with his experiences. Since then, he’s really changed.
To me finding your “reason” is a way to slip past expectations. When you know WHY you do this, you won’t worry so much about your WANTS in doing this. I could tell you what I found when I started meditating with my reason but that would just create more expectations. 🙂